Can Thoughts Be Changed?

I am facing one of the biggest challenges in my life.  I have Breast Cancer.  I was diagnosed after having my annual mammogram on Friday, December 10, 2010.  I am sure anyone would be shocked when they receive a diagnosis of cancer, but I was really not expecting it.  I had never has a problem with my mammograms and I diligently had check-ups at Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia. I have been involved in the Family Risk Assessment Program at Fox Chase for the last 10 years, so I really felt I was "on top" of things. I exercise fairly regularly and I don't smoke or drink.  But, as Friday,  December 10th approached I had mixed emotions. You see, we have been trying selling our house at the Jersey Shore for the last 5+ years and we  finally sold our house.  But, we were having settlement on the same day as my mammogram!  I thought to myself, "I can do both," I can "run up" to Philadelphia in the morning and have my mammogram then come back down to the shore and have our settlement in the afternoon.  That WAS the plan, but the plan changed very quickly was I was told by the radiologist that she wanted more pictures. So, I had more pictures. (You see when you have a mammogram at Fox Chase you get your results read immediately.  You do not have to wait a week to find out the results) So, from there I went directly to have an a ultasound. After the ultrasound I was told I needed a biopsy.  I was beside myself thinking of haivng a biopsy and moving all at the same time.

 I did get back in time for our settlement, which incidentially did not go smoothly. It took five hours due to a problem with the funds coming through from the buyer.  We actually ended up having a "dry settlement," as the funds did not come through until the following Monday,  December 13th. Anyway, we had to "trek" back to "Philly" on Monday, December 13th for me to have to have a biopsy.  I was to get the results by Wednesday,  December 15th.  So, waiting was a drag, but the results came back as normal breast tissue. I thought, "Wow, this is great" until I heard the radiologist say, "I want to repeat the biopsy because I believe I did not get into the center of the area of concern." Can you image, another biopsy!  So, we "treked" back to Philly the next day on Thursday, December 16th. I got the call the following day and I was told I have breast cancer. So, without sounding like "Debbie Downer," I moved to a "new rented place" and got diagnosed with breast cancer all within the week before Christmas.

I chose a bi-lateral mastectomy and I had surgery on January 28th.  I have a Stage 1 breast cancer that was estrogen +.  My treatment is up in the air right now because besides taking a hormone blocking drug called Arimidex, I have to make a decision about having chemotherapy. A test called an Oncotype DX was preformed on a specimen of my tumor. This test an intermediate score would be 19-31 and a high score would be considered 32-100.  My score came back 20!  Just into the intermediate risk.  So, basically  I am in a "grey" area.  If the test came back low, no chemotherapy would be suggested.  If the test came back as high, chemotherapy would be suggested, but because my score came back at 20, having chemotherapy it really being left up to me. I DO NOT know what to do about having chemotherapy!!

But, one thing I have decided to do is change my thoughts.  Even though this is a serious decision, I am trying not to think about it. I am allowing myself to think about it when I need too. I have gotten a second opinion from another oncologist, which incidentally he told me it really was my decision and I am meeting with a Functional Medicine MD on Monday, March 14th.  I am looking at all approaches before I decide.  But, changing my thoughts about my decision and my cancer is keeping me sane.  I am continuing to walk and I am practicing meditation. I am trying to change my thoughts every time a negative thought enters my mind. So, far it's working fairly well, as I am getting up everyday and beginning my day with a smile.